What I talk about when I talk about… decisions

by Carolina

I’m not a book devourer but there is a writer that I love and admire that makes me buy his most recent recent book every time and devour it fiercely. Haruki Murakami is a Japanese novelist and reading him brings me to nice places despite of the nature of his novels. He wrote a book (not a novel but more like an essay) called “What I talk about when I talk about running”. The quote I remember the most is something like “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”.

That’s probably the quote I like to remember when I’m going through difficult times. For example, having been away from my home country, my family and friends for many years, sometimes gives me a heavy feeling in my heart. It’s the kind of feeling that makes me doubt my vocation and passion for my profession. And then I remember why I’m doing what I’m doing… it is painful to be far from the people you love but if that feeling gets repetitive and blinds your judgment, it becomes a suffering. It is then that I ask myself: should I stay or should I go (like the song).

Making decisions has become a very tough task as years go by. When I decided to leave my country and migrate to Canada, I did it in a blink. I didn’t hesitate once I got the opportunity even though I couldn’t speak English, I knew no one and I was not confident enough of my skills. But I felt young, I had no social pressure to fit into any role (as a woman) and I wanted to explore the world.

Now, if I had to make that decision I know it wouldn’t come that easy. I now feel the need to settle down whatever it means and I’m over-thinking the future…

Not sure what point I want to make here, I guess I just want to share it to see if it helps me out into making a decision soon…

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One Response to What I talk about when I talk about… decisions

  1. pt77 says:

    Thanks for sharing your story Carolina – I think it helps others to read stories like yours. I can relate to your story – I decided to move back to Toronto after spending 2 years in Vancouver, but not before spending many months thinking about ‘should I stay or should i go’. I also now have a strong desire to settle in, and have less energy for making big change. That being said, I know that there will come a time when I need to make a big change again.

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